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This Just In! Late Breaking News

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MrTim View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 May 2022 at 6:06am
Survey finds that, if dropped on H.R. Pufnstuf's Living Island, most dudes would do Witchiepoo; Bikers "100%!"
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 May 2022 at 5:48am
Breaking! TV news crawl says AOC is engaged;  The uncurious are not asking "In what?"

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 May 2022 at 5:34am
They will know when you take a dump, too:  Government wants to put microchips in pills they'll mandate you to take for some pandemic or other;  On the plus side, you can retrieve the transmitters from your poop and return them for deposit & recycling

https://creativedestructionmedia.com/news/business/2022/05/21/imagine-the-compliance-pfizer-ceo-pitches-davos-elites-on-wifi-microchip-pills/
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 May 2022 at 6:21am
Obese people newest victim class;  If you are skinny, you are now automatically a racist, and talking about diets is considered hate speech

https://www.weaselzippers.us/482292-woke-mob-wants-to-cancel-the-word-obesity-because-its-racist/
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 May 2022 at 6:02am
Those vast, sprawling conspiracy theories you hear about may be true;  Studies report that the people involved in them aren't very good at keeping secrets, and actually like to blab about them
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 May 2022 at 5:47am
10 signs you may have already been abducted by space aliens;  However, experts say that your butt hurting after you passed out at a bar might not have been caused by E.T. probing you with his glowing finger

https://listverse.com/2022/05/24/10-signs-you-might-have-already-been-abducted-by-aliens/
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 Jun 2022 at 6:07am
Entire staff at genetics lab reported missing;  Witnesses say they were last seen "being flown off into the distance by the flying monkeys they'd created"
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 Jun 2022 at 6:21am
"And they lived happily ever after";  Woman finds her one, true love

https://nypost.com/2022/05/31/woman-sexually-attracted-to-planes-wants-to-marry-toy-boeing/
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Fowlmowf313 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 Jun 2022 at 1:13pm
A woman spontaneously burst into flames today. After she was safely put out, she was immediately arrested for waving a firearm.
I don't have a problem with LGBT. I'm just sick of seeing them on my tv all the time.

Let's go Brandon
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MustangMarj Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 Jun 2022 at 2:29am
πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
Don’t be a dick to your dog! He is a few years of your life, but you are all of his!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 Jun 2022 at 6:07am
^^

Another example of the perils of legal marijuana:  Appellate court in California has held that bumblebees are fish;  Bee anglers will now need to get licenses to catch them

https://www.powerlineblog.com/archives/2022/05/a-bumblebee-needs-fins-like-a-fish-needs-a.php
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 Jun 2022 at 6:03am
'Croc Balls' are the newest fashion trend;  However, the old rules still apply:  You can't wear white ones after Labor Day

https://boingboing.net/2022/06/06/exciting-new-fashion-trend-plastic-genitals-to-attach-to-your-crocs.html
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 Jun 2022 at 6:05am
High, and continuing-to-rise gas prices affecting drivers everywhere;  Batmobile sidelined, as the Caped Crusader reportedly can't afford to fill the gas tank
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Jun 2022 at 6:25am
World Naked Bike Ride for environmentalism takes place in London;  Many people claimed to be "green" by painting their body parts that color

https://www.dailystar.co.uk/news/weird-news/world-naked-bike-ride-bright-27208853#source=push
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Jun 2022 at 5:38am
An elephant in eastern India traveled 200km to kill a 70-year-old woman and then returned to her funeral to trample her corpse;  The elephant did not comment on why it was so pissed off at her

(Sorry, no link, as it behaved toxically...)
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Jun 2022 at 6:11am
New career opportunities opening up in Britain;  Employers are, however, a bit stingy with providing clothing allowances

https://www.dailystar.co.uk/news/latest-news/uk-facing-naked-butler-shortage-27214042#source=push
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 Jun 2022 at 5:49am
Fun Fact:  Bass fish are 43% oil by weight;  With current high gas prices, many are people catching them to make biodiesel fuel


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 Jun 2022 at 6:24am
Tampon shortage in the US, store shelves nearly empty;  Women raiding tampon dispensers in Men's restrooms
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 Jun 2022 at 5:16am
Can having sex alleviate your hay fever symptoms?  Doctors say it doesn't hurt to try, and you might even have fun!

https://metro.co.uk/2022/06/15/can-sex-really-alleviate-hay-fever-symptoms-16831156/?ito=push-notification&ci=sqxAl8R3lI&cri=02ReUtdm0I&si=32291327&xi=0b64ba8b-206b-407c-9945-c007b78d9477&ai=16831156
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 Jun 2022 at 6:32am
Monkeypox not the only thing killing monkeys;  Pet care experts say it's not a good idea to let your monkey become a drug dealer

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/crime/a-small-monkey-in-a-bulletproof-vest-was-found-dead-after-a-bloody-cartel-shootout-in-mexico/ar-AAYCYak?cvid=6010a73ea0e34a928ca46268341bdf67
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25 Jun 2022 at 6:26am
Government fears new pandemic, starts to push Monkeypox vaccinations before November elections;  Credible health experts say you only need to social distance, and to stay away from sex club orgies
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Jun 2022 at 5:52am
Maybe you really can blame those racist comments you allegedly made on your social media on hackers;  Robot AI's have potty mouths and are h8rs, programmers can't figure out why

https://www.sciencealert.com/robots-with-flawed-ai-make-sexist-racist-and-toxic-decisions-experiment-shows
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 Jul 2022 at 6:07am
Russians retreat from their occupation of Ukraine's Snake Island;  Reasons given:  Too many snakes there, and the pesky locals keep launching missiles at them
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 Jul 2022 at 6:14am
Attention tourists planning to vacation in Florida:  You can be charged with a Felony if you throw hot dogs at police officers; Also, our News at 11 feature:  How to make your stay in jail more enjoyable

https://www.wfla.com/news/pinellas-county/florida-man-charged-for-throwing-hot-dog-at-st-pete-officer/?utm_source=fark&utm_medium=website&utm_content=link&ICID=ref_fark
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Jul 2022 at 5:56am
The Annual July 4th Nationwide ER Report:  Numbers of lost fingers about the same as last year, right hands predominating again;  Singed buttocks outpace burning hair incidents, though the latter may be underreported due to the easy availability of hats and wigs to hide the embarassment
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