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MrTim 
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Joined: 15 Apr 2008 Status: Offline Points: 9903 |
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 Posted: 19 May 2022 at 6:06am |
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Survey finds that, if dropped on H.R. Pufnstuf's Living Island, most dudes would do Witchiepoo; Bikers "100%!"
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MrTim
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Posted: 20 May 2022 at 5:48am |
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Breaking! TV news crawl says AOC is engaged; The uncurious are not asking "In what?"
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MrTim
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Joined: 15 Apr 2008 Status: Offline Points: 9903 |
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Posted: 23 May 2022 at 5:34am |
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They will know when you take a dump, too: Government wants to put microchips in pills they'll mandate you to take for some pandemic or other; On the plus side, you can retrieve the transmitters from your poop and return them for deposit & recycling
https://creativedestructionmedia.com/news/business/2022/05/21/imagine-the-compliance-pfizer-ceo-pitches-davos-elites-on-wifi-microchip-pills/ |
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MrTim
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Posted: 24 May 2022 at 6:21am |
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Obese people newest victim class; If you are skinny, you are now automatically a racist, and talking about diets is considered hate speech
https://www.weaselzippers.us/482292-woke-mob-wants-to-cancel-the-word-obesity-because-its-racist/ |
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MrTim
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Posted: 26 May 2022 at 6:02am |
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Those vast, sprawling conspiracy theories you hear about may be true; Studies report that the people involved in them aren't very good at keeping secrets, and actually like to blab about them
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MrTim
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Posted: 29 May 2022 at 5:47am |
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10 signs you may have already been abducted by space aliens; However, experts say that your butt hurting after you passed out at a bar might not have been caused by E.T. probing you with his glowing finger
https://listverse.com/2022/05/24/10-signs-you-might-have-already-been-abducted-by-aliens/ |
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MrTim
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Posted: 02 Jun 2022 at 6:07am |
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Entire staff at genetics lab reported missing; Witnesses say they were last seen "being flown off into the distance by the flying monkeys they'd created"
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MrTim
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Posted: 03 Jun 2022 at 6:21am |
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"And they lived happily ever after"; Woman finds her one, true love
https://nypost.com/2022/05/31/woman-sexually-attracted-to-planes-wants-to-marry-toy-boeing/ |
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Fowlmowf313
Commercial Hater 
Joined: 23 Mar 2022 Location: 48322 Status: Offline Points: 49 |
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Posted: 04 Jun 2022 at 1:13pm |
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A woman spontaneously burst into flames today. After she was safely put out, she was immediately arrested for waving a firearm.
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I don't have a problem with LGBT. I'm just sick of seeing them on my tv all the time.
Let's go Brandon |
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MustangMarj
Junior Executive 
Joined: 02 Apr 2021 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 1445 |
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Posted: 05 Jun 2022 at 2:29am |
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😂😂😂
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Don’t be a dick to your dog! He is a few years of your life, but you are all of his!
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MrTim
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Posted: 05 Jun 2022 at 6:07am |
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^^
 Another example of the perils of legal marijuana: Appellate court in California has held that bumblebees are fish; Bee anglers will now need to get licenses to catch them https://www.powerlineblog.com/archives/2022/05/a-bumblebee-needs-fins-like-a-fish-needs-a.php |
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MrTim
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Posted: 07 Jun 2022 at 6:03am |
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'Croc Balls' are the newest fashion trend; However, the old rules still apply: You can't wear white ones after Labor Day
https://boingboing.net/2022/06/06/exciting-new-fashion-trend-plastic-genitals-to-attach-to-your-crocs.html |
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MrTim
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Posted: 10 Jun 2022 at 6:05am |
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High, and continuing-to-rise gas prices affecting drivers everywhere; Batmobile sidelined, as the Caped Crusader reportedly can't afford to fill the gas tank
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MrTim
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Posted: 12 Jun 2022 at 6:25am |
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World Naked Bike Ride for environmentalism takes place in London; Many people claimed to be "green" by painting their body parts that color
https://www.dailystar.co.uk/news/weird-news/world-naked-bike-ride-bright-27208853#source=push |
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MrTim
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Posted: 13 Jun 2022 at 5:38am |
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An elephant in eastern India traveled 200km to kill a 70-year-old woman and then returned to her funeral to trample her corpse; The elephant did not comment on why it was so pissed off at her
(Sorry, no link, as it behaved toxically...) |
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MrTim
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Posted: 14 Jun 2022 at 6:11am |
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New career opportunities opening up in Britain; Employers are, however, a bit stingy with providing clothing allowances
https://www.dailystar.co.uk/news/latest-news/uk-facing-naked-butler-shortage-27214042#source=push |
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MrTim
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Posted: 15 Jun 2022 at 5:49am |
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Fun Fact: Bass fish are 43% oil by weight; With current high gas prices, many are people catching them to make biodiesel fuel
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MrTim
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Posted: 18 Jun 2022 at 6:24am |
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Tampon shortage in the US, store shelves nearly empty; Women raiding tampon dispensers in Men's restrooms
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MrTim
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Posted: 19 Jun 2022 at 5:16am |
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Can having sex alleviate your hay fever symptoms? Doctors say it doesn't hurt to try, and you might even have fun!
https://metro.co.uk/2022/06/15/can-sex-really-alleviate-hay-fever-symptoms-16831156/?ito=push-notification&ci=sqxAl8R3lI&cri=02ReUtdm0I&si=32291327&xi=0b64ba8b-206b-407c-9945-c007b78d9477&ai=16831156 |
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MrTim
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Posted: 21 Jun 2022 at 6:32am |
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Monkeypox not the only thing killing monkeys; Pet care experts say it's not a good idea to let your monkey become a drug dealer
https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/crime/a-small-monkey-in-a-bulletproof-vest-was-found-dead-after-a-bloody-cartel-shootout-in-mexico/ar-AAYCYak?cvid=6010a73ea0e34a928ca46268341bdf67 |
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MrTim
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Posted: 25 Jun 2022 at 6:26am |
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Government fears new pandemic, starts to push Monkeypox vaccinations before November elections; Credible health experts say you only need to social distance, and to stay away from sex club orgies
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MrTim
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Posted: 28 Jun 2022 at 5:52am |
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Maybe you really can blame those racist comments you allegedly made on your social media on hackers; Robot AI's have potty mouths and are h8rs, programmers can't figure out why
https://www.sciencealert.com/robots-with-flawed-ai-make-sexist-racist-and-toxic-decisions-experiment-shows |
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MrTim
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Posted: 02 Jul 2022 at 6:07am |
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Russians retreat from their occupation of Ukraine's Snake Island; Reasons given: Too many snakes there, and the pesky locals keep launching missiles at them
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MrTim
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Posted: 05 Jul 2022 at 6:14am |
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Attention tourists planning to vacation in Florida: You can be charged with a Felony if you throw hot dogs at police officers; Also, our News at 11 feature: How to make your stay in jail more enjoyable
https://www.wfla.com/news/pinellas-county/florida-man-charged-for-throwing-hot-dog-at-st-pete-officer/?utm_source=fark&utm_medium=website&utm_content=link&ICID=ref_fark |
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MrTim
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Posted: 06 Jul 2022 at 5:56am |
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The Annual July 4th Nationwide ER Report: Numbers of lost fingers about the same as last year, right hands predominating again; Singed buttocks outpace burning hair incidents, though the latter may be underreported due to the easy availability of hats and wigs to hide the embarassment
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