Please be aware that if you send me a PM on the old server, I will not be able to read it. I can not log in there.
OMG, What's going on? April 14, 2008
If you are a member of the Commercials I Hate Forums,
you received an e-mail with the subject: Commercials I Hate Forums Up and Running,
claiming that "the forums are again available but at a new URL."
Please be aware that I did not send this e-mail,
and it was sent without my knowledge or my permission.
And technically, without yours.
The people who were hosting the Commercials I Hate Forums,
impatient with my efforts to find a new host,
have decided that the forums are their property.
They removed my access, changed the name and kept many of the old messages,
while deleting many others and creating new rules.
The forums operating at this new URL are NOT the Commercials I Hate Forums.
I mean, look at them. "Commercials You Love to Hate"?
Come on. Ever been to Frindster.com? Or Goggle.com? Or maybe MySpcae.com?
The actual Commercials I Hate Forums has a new host
and is online now at the same old address, forums.commercialsihate.com.
We will have to start fresh.
All of the old users will have to re-register
with their exact usernames with new passwords.
I have saved all of your avatars and can restore them.
I can also restore everyone's post count.
Please keep checking back for updates in the next few days.
Thank you for your patience and for your support
during this very upsetting episode in the 11 -year history of Commercials I Hate.
Hi, welcome to Commercials
I Hate.
I started this site in 1997 because the advertising industry
thinks we're stupid.
Commercials assume the worst about us.
Commercials use ugly stereotypes to appeal to the lowest common
denominator.
That's nasty and insulting. Lucky for you, my reader, so am I.
To the tiny woman in the Cadillac Escalade who nearly ran me onto the shoulder this morning.
Excuse me. This is a merging lane and I'm attempting to merge onto the freeway now. It's clearly my turn. I'm not sure why you keep scooting up. Where do you expect me to go? It's supposed to be like a zipper, lady. One car from your lane, then one car from mine. We merge and then we go about our business. Zzzz-zip. Hey, what are you doing? Please stop inching forward. Hey. Hey. Okay, please listen to my horn now for the next fifteen seconds. You like that? I'd like to now direct your attention to my hoisted middle finger. Yes, that's right, apply your brakes now. Oh, you can see me now! I understand. You forget to look down here sometimes. And now I can see you. Hair-do, knuckles and steering wheel. Nice death machine you have there. How many people are in there with you? None? Really? What the fuck are you driving that thing for? You don't even know how to control it. You can't see a car right next to you. You are a danger to yourself and everyone on the road. Why are you driving that outrageous monstrosity? You look like a tiny white termite in a gorilla's nostril. Now you must know what your own tiny brain feels like rattling around inside your head. What are you, hauling construction beams in that thing? What do you need it for? Wait, I know. It's to feed your idiot greed and lust for stupid expensive shit. Well, we're all very impressed here on the 101 Freeway. Oh, I can't see you in my rearview mirror anymore. You're a little speck back there. Gosh, you drive so slowly when traffic is moving, I wonder why you were in such a hurry when the traffic was stopped? Maybe you're on the phone now and can't be bothered to step on the gas. If only the people behind you could see the 50 feet of empty road in front of you. I bet they'd like to be driving on it. Well, this has been fun. I'll leave you behind for now. See you tomorrow!
I suppose by now we've all
seen these cutesy commercials
featuring ordinary people, speaking in voices that are not their
own.
The "identity theft victim"
is usually shown sitting calmly, mouthing the words
as the hilarious voice of the "identity thief" describes
a rampant shopping spree.
In each of these ads, the humor
comes from the sharp contrast
between the voice-over (the voice of the evil thief) and the
appearance of the "victim".
A beautiful black woman speaks in the voice of a dorky white
teenage boy.
An old lady talks like a trucker, a redneck talks like a schoolgirl.
The voice is usually very animated, while the "victim"
sits with a deadpan face, mouthing the words.
Hilarity ensues.
My problem is with the latest
in this series of ads,
featuring "Darrel P.", a black man in an undershirt.
You know, sometimes you go
over to someone's house and they have the TV on.
You'll stand around talking, maybe you get a drink from the fridge,
and then you are suddenly interrupted by this hideous noise coming
from the TV.
"Good Christ," you
both say.
"What is that awful sound and how do I make it stop?"
Turning toward the television, you see Darrel P. - Identity Theft
Victim.
Darrel P. speaks in the whiny
high-pitched voice of a stupid young girl.
I've never actually heard fingernails on a chalkboard, but I
have heard it described.
This voice, it's like a mosquito that flew into your ear.
Oh, but Darrel P. doesn't stop
at just speaking.
Darrel P. sings a song. A Toni Braxton favorite, "Unbreak
My Heart".
This is the point when everyone in the room lunges for the mute
button.
The other annoying thing that
sets this ad apart from its predecessors
is that, as Darrel chatters and sings,
he makes faces and gestures like an excited teenage girl.
In all of the other Citibank
ads, the "victim" seems completely unaware
that a strange voice is coming out of their mouth.
In this ad, Darrel P. seems not only aware, but delighted!
His hands flutter like cartoon bluebirds as he makes all kinds
of annoying girly talk.
A small point, yes, but aggravating to me nonetheless.
I found a link to this annoying
trash heap on YouTube:
enjoy it while it is still up.
