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MrTim
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Continuing cases of weasels outbreaks around country; Doctors urge that you get your kids vaccinated
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MrTim
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Potholes on your street that your city won't fix? Try this easy, amazing trick that gets fast results!
https://www.buzznick.com/protestor-spay-paints-penises-around-potholes-to-finally-get-them-fixed/ |
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MrTim
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Your computer is still at risk, Y2K not dead; Original 'disaster' didn't happen in '2000' due to typo, and will actually occur in '2020'
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MrTim
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Thinking of buying a diamond engagement ring for your beloved? Experts say you can get it cheaper out of town than in a high-rent city jewelry store
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MrTim
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After viewing Marvel TV & movies, many would-be immigrants having second thoughts about coming to America; Apparently, America has a dangerous mutant problem and quite a few people are getting killed by them; However, building repair/reconstruction is booming and needs workers
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MrTim
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Oceanographers cautioning that beach potato growth will be a bumper crop this year; Beachgoers warned to watch where they sit on the sand and to shake out their bathing suits "often"
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MrTim
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Box office shocker! Poms opening day knocks Avengers: Endgame out of the #1 spot
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MrTim
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4chan dupes mainstream media into claiming that the "okay" sign is a White Supremacy symbol; Hoaxers failed to get network anchors to sit on their upraised middle fingers, however
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MrTim
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For Mother's Day, Nabisco lauds drag moms for being role models to younger proteges; Real moms now telling their kids "It's time to cut back on eating sugary garbage"
https://www.dailycaller.com/2019/05/12/chips-ahoy-mothers-day-drag-queen/ |
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MrTim
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Highlights of 2019 Urine Drinking Afficionados convention in San Francisco: Almost all preferred a pineapple bouquet over that of asparagus; The lone holdout claims she had a cold that day
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MrTim
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Mystery player to swoop in, conquer all in Game of Thrones finale; SPOILER ALERT: "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!"
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MrTim
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Those in the toughest sales position also the top "Can Sell Anything" legends in the industry; Successful Used Vacation salesmen can write their own tickets to fame, fortune, and power
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MrTim
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Over objections, Swiss voters approve stricter gun laws; Swiss Army reservists, though, may still keep mortars and machineguns in their homes
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MrTim
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Hollywood Update: Despite vicious rumors and wishful thinking, Happy Days characters Ralph Malph and Potsy did not marry each other; However, Arnold's was indeed permanently shut down for serious health code violations
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MrTim
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(See below)
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MrTim
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Most people who wear 'tinfoil' hats not actually blocking unwanted signals; "They make a big mistake using aluminum foil instead of actual tin foil" says anonymous expert on the subject
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MrTim
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Suspected polio outbreak was a false alarm; Several people showed up at ER with foot and leg cramps; Event blamed on TV drug ads for "instilling panic in hypochondriac viewership"
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MrTim
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Your Fortnite addiction may be an actual illness; WHO also says that those who crossdress while playing the game "have their own little niche"
https://www.cnet.com/news/world-health-organization-deems-gaming-disorder-an-official-illness/ |
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MrTim
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When asked during a study if they preferred spinach or ice cream, children overwhelmingly chose ice cream; After being given spinach ice cream, the same children felt perplexed and tricked
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MrTim
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Hollywood to make movie from real life event; No word if Arnold Ziffel or Babe will be up for the role, but lots of desperate actors clamoring to be in supporting cast
https://ms.thebl.com/97460/pig-steals-18-beers-from-campers-gets-drunk-starts-a-fight-with-cow-2.html |
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MrTim
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"не вмешайтесья!" to be put on all US voting machines by 2020 elections; Label warns Russians to not intefere, in case they can't read English
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MrTim
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Man acquitted of drug charges, police dog being sent to rehab; While searching his car, drug-sniffing dog found 2 small bags of meth, but it was determined later that the dog threw them up
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MrTim
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No more iTunes for you! Apple canceling iconic service to make you buy your favorite songs all over again through their new phone apps
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MrTim
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Conspiracy, or discrimination? Short people still upset that they can't reach the upper shelves in stores
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MrTim
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Good news! The price of your burrito won't go up 5 cents; Trump tariff on Mexican goods on hold for now, which included chipotle peppers
Other Great News! If you don't get Breaking News within half an hour, it's FREE! |
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