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MrTim
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President delivers State of the Union address; People tune in to watch Democrat response, but go watch something else after seeing that it was not made by Madea
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MrTim
Ad Exec Joined: 15 Apr 2008 Status: Offline Points: 10421 |
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With tight budgets, police departments discovering new revenue
stream; For a fee, they will airbrush your mug shot "to show off your
beautiful looking face"
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MrTim
Ad Exec Joined: 15 Apr 2008 Status: Offline Points: 10421 |
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Sponsors & advocates of the Green New Deal claim that it will work, point to Venezuela and North Korea as success stories; Each American will receive a free horse that they can use as transportation or food
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MrTim
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Most people found to have the 'Pied Piper' virus on their smart phones; Malicious code mimics addiction, entices users to unknowingly keep using their electronic devices for long periods
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MrTim
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Authorities warning people not to approach their cars if they are "glowing in the dark"; Phenomenon is caused by radioactive guano released from bats nesting in nuclear waste dumps
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MrTim
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Much like today, Stone Henge was an ancient tourist trap; Archaeologists confirm finding evidence of concession stands, ring toss games, and even a dunk tank
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MrTim
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Super-powerful steroids accidently added to baby food; Resulting 'Juggertots' can flip over cars, make changing diapers dangerous, and even rip phone books in half
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MrTim
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Report finds that the spiders in your house could eat you; Fortunately, they find lots of other things to eat first
https://nypost.com/2017/03/29/if-spiders-worked-together-they-could-eat-all-humans-in-a-year/ |
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MrTim
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Subway trying to decide between Jusse Smollett or guy who choked panther to death as new spokesman; "Both defended their Subway sandwiches to the death. We like that kind of customer loyalty!"
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MrTim
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Scientists find that people who constantly point out grammar mistakes are pretty much jerks; They also get angry when doing crossword puzzles or playing Scrabble, says report
http://expand-your-consciousness.com/people-constantly-point-grammar-mistakes-pretty-much-jerks-scientists-find/?t=HHL&fbclid=IwAR1h9HEZX-b-NaOrv44-3XQzDQMRI4W_CViNRduO2cITkB0W8u4jdUVSnug |
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MrTim
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Jussie Smollett to be written out of FOX's Empire; Character will go out to get a sandwich, never return
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MrTim
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Great new gift for your greenie friends living in snow zones; Bicycle snowplow reduces carbon emissions, reduces global warming, gives chubbies needed excercise
http://thedrive.com/news/26596/this-homebuilt-bicycle-snowplow-is-a-million-dollar-idea |
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MrTim
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Parts of Green New Deal may have to be rethought; Scientists discover that cow farts can not only kill disease-carrying mosquitoes, but can enhance recreational marijuana and be distilled into an environmentally-friendly New Age hippy body spray
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MrTim
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Time running out for buying a Chevy Volt with S&H Green Stamps; Production of electric car coming to an end soon
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MrTim
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Victoria's Secret to close as many as 53 stores this year; US lingerie giant cites that "business is sagging" as reason
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MrTim
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Thousands fooled by fake solar eclipse announcement; People went outside at midnight expecting to see the sun eclipsed by the moon
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MrTim
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Survey reports that 80% of people would secretly rather have a pet monkey than a child; Especially if the monkey could fetch them a beer or a roll of toilet paper when needed
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PaWolf
Revolutionary Hoary Ol' Chestnut... doncha know.... Joined: 15 Apr 2008 Location: GreatWhiteNorth Status: Offline Points: 40769 |
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X <sig.nature>
"What we do for ourselves dies with us, What we do for others is and remains immortal." - Albert Pike |
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MrTim
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Television manufacturers to introduce TV's with shatterproof screens; Brick-resistant new feature expected to get a real workout during bad commercials and election debates
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MrTim
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Olympics to permit "trans" athletes who haven't bothered with trans surgery to compete against actual women; Potential cheaters rushing to Party City to buy suitable wigs; Twisted Sister threatening to sue
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MrTim
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Next season of The Simpsons likely to be the last; After ditching Apu and Michael Jackson, creators of show to get rid of all other "offensive" characters, leaving Springfield an empty ghost town, though it may be inhabited later by Disney characters
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MrTim
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Hockey History You Didn't Know: The original "Stanley Cup" was a locker room thing
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MrTim
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Travel Advice and Warning: When flying, don't drink anything with blue ice cubes; Insiders say they are recycled
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MrTim
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People freaking out and panicking over Facebook shutdowns; Health officials say withdrawal effects for media addicts "worse than that for heroin or cigarettes"
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MrTim
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Flat Earthers feeling their oats again; Still-existing cult taunting those who believe that the Earth is a globe by saying "they are just going around in circles"
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