What was the first song you listened to TODAY? |
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msmadz
Honor Roll 8+ years on CIH Joined: 15 Apr 2008 Location: New York Status: Offline Points: 9952 |
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Manfred Mann "Blinded By The Light"
And yes, for years I thought the lyrics were: "Revved up like a DOUCHE another runner in the night" |
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The artist formerly known as Madawee
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Angry McPisseron
Honor Roll Formerly AngryMcPisseron Joined: 20 Apr 2008 Location: Fresno CA. Status: Offline Points: 13345 |
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^^^ and I always thought that the lyrics were, "Wrapped up like a douche another runner in the night"
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Angry McPisseron
Honor Roll Formerly AngryMcPisseron Joined: 20 Apr 2008 Location: Fresno CA. Status: Offline Points: 13345 |
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"Safe Home." -- Anthrax I've been down this road once or twice before through the open door i come falling through it there's a sign post up ahead like a watershed and it opens my eyes ways, for me to be gay to be born again and knowing for the first time ways, all so differently shine for me to see the better man that I am I've been places in my head behind me worse than what's ahead and on my path just like a dream takes me from the inbetween from out of nowhere you came strong as stone and now I'll never have to be alone what it is I know you have always been my safe home I walk, I run, I burn out into you you have always been my safe home my whole world has moved on I know what i am and I'll always be your reality, is better than I could dream all my fears turn from black to white and i'd stand and fight the whole world for you faith, and destiny I never did believe my only god is love and faith, what I see in you and I can hold it true like a weight in my hand. |
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PaWolf
Revolutionary Hoary Ol' Chestnut... doncha know.... Joined: 15 Apr 2008 Location: GreatWhiteNorth Status: Offline Points: 40769 |
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X <sig.nature>
"What we do for ourselves dies with us, What we do for others is and remains immortal." - Albert Pike |
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Angry McPisseron
Honor Roll Formerly AngryMcPisseron Joined: 20 Apr 2008 Location: Fresno CA. Status: Offline Points: 13345 |
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"Adventures in Creative Nostril Swallowing" -- Worm Quartet You smell like philosophy! I prance through a field of electric genitalia and invisible condiments, but gelatinous oven mitts and cellophane pancakes just keep humping rainbows. Nobody wears goggles to church anymore. Are you gargling your xylophone at the masturbating burrito parade? Oh no! This paste is NEAT! The poodle of harm is destroying your arm while the toastlord chisels panties into clichés. C’mon, Jesus! Get out your wigglin’ boots! Pudding is to justice as atheism is to the sound of a crepe-infested bellhop trying to glaze nine mice with a one-mouse glazing wand. Excessive yak-strumming can only lead to podiatry, but cultivating rectal atrocities makes it easier to alphabetize your shredded pets. When the batteries that fuel your carrot become the horse that won’t pucker, only then shall the pope become properly funky. I’ve just been elected Delaware! If the electric superduck disavows its own uvula and you’re really a collection of sentient clothespins held together by the wet dreams of our forefathers, then I want a receipt! C’mon, France, can’t you explode just a little? This wax replica of Barbra Streissand’s left penis proves that my maiden name is Julio P. Throb-o-tron. Stop impersonating my hairline! Your monkey had much better manners before it was on fire. Is your tugboat boneless or are we still excreting conical sorcerers? The liverless know not of diesel, and yet the moon is politely farting scriptures into the goat puddle while the drooling ambassadorof stapler vomit has found a new way to turn condoms into bouillon! Let’s blame pumpernickel for apostrophes! I can’t schmuck- proof my mayonnaise until you admit that Mormons lick skates. Don’t even tell me you glued your urethra to another panther! Lend me your groin! Butter your shovel! Peel your apostles! Lubricate your acoustic waitress-hammer on a bed of boiled muppets! Taste the unfiltered nonchalance of my vine-ripened colander of pain! Marvel with soup-induced rage at my breathtaking lack of lumber or one day everything you’ve ever secreted will come back! You can neuter most of Skeletor with beans, and you can traipse like a tampon recycler through Iowa’s most cheeseless gnomeyard, but you can’t bathe pirates in Tucker Carlson’s nipples. Hey! Don’t eat my Jews! |
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Angry McPisseron
Honor Roll Formerly AngryMcPisseron Joined: 20 Apr 2008 Location: Fresno CA. Status: Offline Points: 13345 |
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Zax from the coin-op arcade pinball machine, "F-14 Tomcat" by Williams Electronics from 1987. |
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Angry McPisseron
Honor Roll Formerly AngryMcPisseron Joined: 20 Apr 2008 Location: Fresno CA. Status: Offline Points: 13345 |
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"Ball of Confusion (That's What the World is Today)" -- Anthrax |
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Angry McPisseron
Honor Roll Formerly AngryMcPisseron Joined: 20 Apr 2008 Location: Fresno CA. Status: Offline Points: 13345 |
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*** NSFW!!! *** Synthesised speech that I heard in 1987, originating from a Commodore 64 computer. While I was working at a Kentucky Fried Chicken restaraunt in Kenmore WA. USAin 1987, some dillhole brought in a ghetto blaster after the manager had leftand played this tape he recorded from his Commodore 64 computer.I immediately recognised the voice as having been generated by S.A.M.(Software Automated Mouth); various phrases were spoken that were intendedto put down our manager.These phrases are almost an exact duplicate of the ones I heard; I say"almost" here because the person's name was mentioned in some of the phrases.I replaced their name with "HE" to prevent him (initials are A.B.) fromcoming after me for putting this filth on the internet. ;-) |
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Papa Lazarou
Ad Exec Formerly Codtaro Joined: 18 Nov 2011 Location: New Mexico Status: Offline Points: 7710 |
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Innermost... By Ko:zi Always loved this song, perhaps because it's one of those that takes rather bleak lyrics and pairs them with an upbeat style. someone offered a slightly better translation than the one in the above video Lyrics: Innermost... spiritual voice. I should be able to hear it... the voice that doesn't disappear... The feint murmur was, in the uncertain wind of reality, lost. Innermost... spiritual voice, I should be able to gaze upon it... the sincere figure Unchangingly, Constantly, now where would you fall to in the nothingness Do you understand there is nothing to be afraid of, I wonder... It would be good to continue in death because from the past we built, nothing can be snatched away. I clasp the white rose in my hand to my chest and to the sky I embrace, In order to be myself... Innermost... spiritual voice. I should believe in it... and to continue wand'ring, too. If I fell into nothingness, stopped everything I wonder if I would meet with unquestionable reality. It would be good to continue on in death, as unremembered innocence cannot be taken away. I clasp the white rose in my hand to my chest and to the <<universe>> I embrace In order for you to be yourself It would be good to continue on in death, because then from the past we built, nothing can be snatched away. I clasp the white rose in my hand to my chest and to the future I embrace. Throughout eternity, can one take wing... |
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Banana!
BANANA!! BANANA!!! BANANA!! Banana! |
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Angry McPisseron
Honor Roll Formerly AngryMcPisseron Joined: 20 Apr 2008 Location: Fresno CA. Status: Offline Points: 13345 |
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insanity213
Ad Exec Joined: 16 Mar 2011 Location: Texas Status: Offline Points: 7806 |
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Angry McPisseron
Honor Roll Formerly AngryMcPisseron Joined: 20 Apr 2008 Location: Fresno CA. Status: Offline Points: 13345 |
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Music demo from the Synth Werk computer program, titled, "SYNTH-WERK Trailer Demo HD bestservice". This song is a bit brief, so the next one up this morning was: Music demo from the Synth Werk computer program, titled, "Musique Elektronique" from 2011 |
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Angry McPisseron
Honor Roll Formerly AngryMcPisseron Joined: 20 Apr 2008 Location: Fresno CA. Status: Offline Points: 13345 |
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Music demo from the Synth Werk computer program, titled, "SYNTH-WERK Trailer Demo HD bestservice". This song is a bit brief, so the next one up this morning was: Music demo from the Synth Werk computer program, titled, "Musique Internacionale" from 2012 |
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Angry McPisseron
Honor Roll Formerly AngryMcPisseron Joined: 20 Apr 2008 Location: Fresno CA. Status: Offline Points: 13345 |
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"Teenage Dirtbag" -- Wheatus |
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PaWolf
Revolutionary Hoary Ol' Chestnut... doncha know.... Joined: 15 Apr 2008 Location: GreatWhiteNorth Status: Offline Points: 40769 |
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X <sig.nature>
"What we do for ourselves dies with us, What we do for others is and remains immortal." - Albert Pike |
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Angry McPisseron
Honor Roll Formerly AngryMcPisseron Joined: 20 Apr 2008 Location: Fresno CA. Status: Offline Points: 13345 |
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"Inner Voice" -- Worm Quartet with Devo Spice fka. Sudden Death I'm happily married with a house and three mistresses Even with the beard I'm not as hairy as my sister is Got a new Hummer, two Ferraris, and some Lexuses And all the girls I know got the big big breasteses I got a ten story mansion on the beach With a swimming pool filled up with the drool of Robin Leach Richer than a Twinkie, I got so much cash That to me Paris Hilton is poor white trash I take forty-seven weeks of vacation a year If people piss me off I can make 'em disappear Every time I sneeze I get a feature on the news The reporter says "gesundheit" and hilarity ensues And how did I get to be the man that I am? A god among men, only without the tan It's simple, every time I have to make a choice I just listen to my little inner voice, and he says "Shave all the hair off your butt and glue it to your nostrils" OK "Steal all the milk from all the supermarkets and put it back in the cows" Alright "Find out which species of rodent is the most flammable" OK "Let's see what fun crafts we can make using only a chainsaw and Regis Philbin" Yeah! So how do I explain my little cranial expressions Intuition, premonition, or demonic possession? It could be God, an angel, or my dead uncle Paul Or that nasty purple fuzzy thing that lives in my wall Doesn't matter, and to be honest I don't wanna know 'Cause thanks to him I've never had to deal with an HMO And I can go show off my rocket powered solid gold Benz I tell ya life is no much nicer with invisible friends "Record an all-banjo Falco tribute album" Done, and done. "Put on a tutu, glue two live wiener dogs to your face, and prance around the subway terminal screaming 'Stop looking at me!'" OK "There's no reason not to have sex with a cheese grater." Hmm, no, I suppose not. "Set up a stand outside of K-Mart with a plate full of frozen peas and a sign reading 'Take one!' If anyone asks you what the hell your doing, give them a button that says 'I asked about the peas!'" He's become my best friend, sticks with me to the end Thanks to him I'll never live on Ramen noodles again And he's always by my side, every minute, every hour Though it does get kinda creepy when I'm trying to take a shower Still I can't complain 'cause he made me rich And figured out it was the opossum milk that made me itch If it seems weird remember the voice made me do it I don't question what he says I just get up and get to it "Itemize everything in your cat's litter box for the next seven years and mail a report to the President with a note saying 'Here!'" Good idea "It's time to find out what urinal mints taste like" If you say so "Get a black and white horizontally striped suit, a mask, and a bowling ball with a small length of rope hanging from it, and tiptoe around the airport." Sounds like fun "How old does a baby need to be before it's too big to flush down the toilet?" I don't know. Let's find out. "Keep swallowing magnets until your farts can erase video tapes." So to that guy in my head I just wanna say thanks For removing my angst, so I'm no longer shooting blanks And now I own several banks, plus an inflatable watch And paid Justin Timberlake to let me kick him in the crotch I followed his advice and now I'm making major duchets If it wasn't for him I'd still be processing McNuggets So when life makes you feel like you should've stayed in bed Just listen to the voice in your head, and he'll say "Fat people are full of toys. Go get some!" Yeah! "Build a 20 foot tall nude statue of Tony Goldmark licking warm margarine off a malnourished dolphin out of onions, pez, and lint." With pleasure! "If Yanni didn't want to be set on fire and shoved down a flight of stairs, surely he would have said so explicitly by now." Yeah, I guess so. "Go to a McDonald's Playland, tie that big Officer Big Mac thing to the back of your car, and drive away at 90 mph. When a cop pulls you over, roll down the window and indignantly ask 'WHAT?'" You got it! "Move to New Jersey and become a comedy rap artist." Oh... do I have to? |
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Angry McPisseron
Honor Roll Formerly AngryMcPisseron Joined: 20 Apr 2008 Location: Fresno CA. Status: Offline Points: 13345 |
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"Musical Doodle" -- from the SpongeBob SquarePants episode, "Ear Worm" Round and round the record spins all day Listen again it takes you far away, Trying to stop it is futile So just listen now to my musical doodle Think you control it but it’s way too hard Every time is plays it’s an electric charge The sound in your head is brutal Now you're infected by the musical doodle Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo You're gonna listen again to the musical doodle The song that you ran from is back again You wonder if the madness with ever end, Trying to escape it is futile So just listen now to my musical doodle Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo Doo doo doo doo doo doo musical doodle Listen again to the musical doodle This song is pretty short, so the next one that I listened to was: Zax from the coin-op arcade video game, "Afterburner ][" aka., "Afterburner Deluxe" by Sega from 1987. |
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Papa Lazarou
Ad Exec Formerly Codtaro Joined: 18 Nov 2011 Location: New Mexico Status: Offline Points: 7710 |
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Banana!
BANANA!! BANANA!!! BANANA!! Banana! |
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Thor
Revolutionary Joined: 16 Apr 2008 Location: Rockaway, NJ Status: Offline Points: 63905 |
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The Byrds covering Bob Dylan's My Back Pages. Dylan wrote and recorded this song in 1964. It's his rejection of the protest movement of the early 60s and its politics. It alienated his earlier fans. |
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Angry McPisseron
Honor Roll Formerly AngryMcPisseron Joined: 20 Apr 2008 Location: Fresno CA. Status: Offline Points: 13345 |
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"'C' is for Lettuce" -- Worm Quartet I've listened to you bitch, I've listened to you whine But you couscous-eating yuppie jerks have gone too far this time! Your kids are getting fatter and the outlook's rather bleak Despite you putting them on three fad diets every week So do you take the blame, and make a change at home? No dammit, you're American! You're born to bitch and moan! And just like every problem, your solution is the same: Your V-chipped cable-ready babysitter is to blame! Cuz every single character in every single show Must be shaped and molded perfectly to help your children grow Cuz if they're not ideal role models and beacons for good health You might just have to be one -- yourself! And who has time for that? So with your pen of judgment, you turn on your TV Prepared to write down ev-e-ry indecency you see There's a googly-eyed Muppet with a coat of navy blue He grabs a plate of something -- hey, that don't look like tofu! And with a ghastly "Om nom nom" the cookies disappear And suddenly the reason for your offspring's size is clear This gluttonous monster’s brainwashed them and driven them to gorge! Someone must stop this Toll-House-fueled, sloth-inducing scourge! Because you're far too busy, you can't teach your kids to see That reality is different from what's broadcast on TV So you know that they'll just emulate the things the puppets do And that might reflect badly on you! Now you're Screaming for the blood of the Cookie Monster Evil puppet demon of o-be-si-ty Time to change the tune of his fearful ballad -- C is For Lettuce, That's Good Enough For Me! So now you start to think, your kid may be depressed Even though each day he sees a different therapist So you go to his classroom, which is looking rather stark Cuz their funds were voted down last year to build a baseball park The teacher says he's failing English, history and math And suddenly it's clear what's led him down this darkening path You can't call it, "Failing!" That's such a scathing word! We'll just call it, "Success that's temporarily deferred!" Cuz language can be powerful, to raise and to depress That's why we no longer have "Shell Shock" we have "Post-Traumatic Stress" And the only way to keep our precious darlings out of jail Is to make them think that they can never fail! And now you're Screaming for the blood of the underpaid teacher After all your taxes pay her yearly 12-G You can't change the world, so just change what you call it -- F is For Almost, That's Good Enough For Me! (Bridge!) No one understands just how brutal you have it You wake up each morning and have to fight traffic Then spend all day chained to your laptop and beeper Kiss some client’s ass and then play some minesweeper Then hightail it over to your yoga lessons Then lattes, pilates, and therapy sessions Where you whine and ramble and dab your eyelids And complain that you never get time with your kids! Spoken voice 1: Can you tell me, how to get... how to get to hypocrisy street? Spoken voice 2: Uh, yeah, that's kinda heavy-handed, there, don't you think? Spoken voice 1: Uh, yeah, so's this whole song, so, I'll try it -- why not? You've bitched your yuppie heart out, and meddled with the best But your brooding fatass offspring keeps deferring his success So what the hell's the problem? It surely can't be you! It must be all the violence on his PlayStation 2! Just look at this atrocity! There's hoodlums, thugs, and skanks And chronic-tokin' gangstas running hookers down with tanks There's nudity and blood and guts and chainsaws cutting people And that's just in the new updated 3-D Tetris sequel! And sure there's labels on the games that say that they're, "Mature" But now honestly, just who the hell reads labels anymore? Tell me, wouldn't it be easier for parents 'cross the land If games that aren't for kids were all just banned? Now you're Screaming for the blood of the game programmer Gaming should just be a children's industry Pixellated actors should be role models -- M is For Censored, That's Good Enough For Me! Screaming for a new place to point your finger Won't rest 'til the whole world is rated "PG" Don't stop to think what those letters really stand for "M" is for "Censored" "F" is for "Almost" "C" is for "Lettuce," That's Good Enough For Me! |
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Angry McPisseron
Honor Roll Formerly AngryMcPisseron Joined: 20 Apr 2008 Location: Fresno CA. Status: Offline Points: 13345 |
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"Pac-Man is Naked and So Should You" -- Worm Quartet (Okay, you hear the sound! The sound is PAC-MAN! Are you ready for PAC-MAN?) (I am ready for Pac-Man!) (Yes, it is Pac-Man!) (Okay, Pac-Man!) (It is time to go!) Being round a yellow guy? PAC-MAN! Do he eating lots of dots? PAC-MAN! Running up and down your street, Screaming at your mailbox now, Hanging from your ceiling fan? PAC-MAN! (Yay! It is Pac-Man!) (Time for a Pac-Man!) (We are very liking Pac-Man!) (Hooray now for the Pac-Man!) (Much happy has this Pac-Man!) (Do I sing again about Pac-Man? Okay!) Mouth a open and a close? PAC-MAN! Run your fingers on my arm! PAC-MAN! Jumping up and down real fast, Putting butter in your hat, Shaving all your fish at night? PAC-MAN! (Ohh….) It's time to Pac-Man! The best way to Pac-Man is to use the game! You moving joystick and you eat the dot, Eat all the dot, you win another maze, And mazes are the place where Pac-Man goes! He eat a key or maybe eat a pear, Cuz these are food for eating in the maze But ghosts are making death so run away Or make a blue ghost turn into a food! (Oo, food! The Pac-Man likes food!) (Lettuce is also food.) (Do not talk about lettuce. It is time for Pac-Man.) (More Pac-Man?) (Yes, we will have another Pac-Man!) (Okay, Pac-Man!) (Where is Pac-Man?) (Pac-Man is NOW!) Eat a dot and eat a fruit? PAC-MAN! Leaving something on the stove? PAC-MAN! Spinning on a countertop, Sniffing all your laundry now, Blinky and Inky feeling rather sheepish? PAC-MAN! (ohhhh…) (Pac-Man!) (Pac-Man?) (Mmm ohh, Pac-Man!) (There is no more song now!) "Spatula" -- Worm Quartet |
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Angry McPisseron
Honor Roll Formerly AngryMcPisseron Joined: 20 Apr 2008 Location: Fresno CA. Status: Offline Points: 13345 |
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"Musical Doodle" -- from the SpongeBob SquarePants episode, "Ear Worm" Round and round the record spins all day Listen again it takes you far away, Trying to stop it is futile So just listen now to my musical doodle Think you control it but it’s way too hard Every time is plays it’s an electric charge The sound in your head is brutal Now you're infected by the musical doodle Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo You're gonna listen again to the musical doodle The song that you ran from is back again You wonder if the madness with ever end, Trying to escape it is futile So just listen now to my musical doodle Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo Doo doo doo doo doo doo musical doodle Listen again to the musical doodle This song is pretty short, so the next one that I listened to was: "I Wrote This" -- by Patrick Star from the SpongeBob SquarePants episode, "Sing a Song of Patrick" Twinkle, Twinkle, Patrick Star, I made myself a sandwich. My mommy named it Fred, It tastes like beans and bacon, And smells like it's been dead. Writing stuff is hard so I use a pointy pencil Pointy, Pointy, Pointy, Pointy, Pointy, Point. Piss you, what's that horrible smell? Drum solo! (Drum Solo) I have a head, It ends in a point Pointy, Pointy, Pointy, Pointy, Pointy, Point. This song is over, except for this line, You win this round, Broccoli! |
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Angry McPisseron
Honor Roll Formerly AngryMcPisseron Joined: 20 Apr 2008 Location: Fresno CA. Status: Offline Points: 13345 |
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"Pac-Man is Naked and So Should You" -- Worm Quartet (Okay, you hear the sound! The sound is PAC-MAN! Are you ready for PAC-MAN?) (I am ready for Pac-Man!) (Yes, it is Pac-Man!) (Okay, Pac-Man!) (It is time to go!) Being round a yellow guy? PAC-MAN! Do he eating lots of dots? PAC-MAN! Running up and down your street, Screaming at your mailbox now, Hanging from your ceiling fan? PAC-MAN! (Yay! It is Pac-Man!) (Time for a Pac-Man!) (We are very liking Pac-Man!) (Hooray now for the Pac-Man!) (Much happy has this Pac-Man!) (Do I sing again about Pac-Man? Okay!) Mouth a open and a close? PAC-MAN! Run your fingers on my arm! PAC-MAN! Jumping up and down real fast, Putting butter in your hat, Shaving all your fish at night? PAC-MAN! (Ohh….) It's time to Pac-Man! The best way to Pac-Man is to use the game! You moving joystick and you eat the dot, Eat all the dot, you win another maze, And mazes are the place where Pac-Man goes! He eat a key or maybe eat a pear, Cuz these are food for eating in the maze But ghosts are making death so run away Or make a blue ghost turn into a food! (Oo, food! The Pac-Man likes food!) (Lettuce is also food.) (Do not talk about lettuce. It is time for Pac-Man.) (More Pac-Man?) (Yes, we will have another Pac-Man!) (Okay, Pac-Man!) (Where is Pac-Man?) (Pac-Man is NOW!) Eat a dot and eat a fruit? PAC-MAN! Leaving something on the stove? PAC-MAN! Spinning on a countertop, Sniffing all your laundry now, Blinky and Inky feeling rather sheepish? PAC-MAN! (ohhhh…) (Pac-Man!) (Pac-Man?) (Mmm ohh, Pac-Man!) (There is no more song now!)"Spatula" -- Worm Quartet Well I was alone sitting in the bathroom I had just gone and now I didn't know what to do I was real bored but I didn't wanna leave 'Cause I knew there was a lot of work waiting for me So I grabbed my Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue Got some hand lotion and a big wad of Cleanax tissue Looked at this girl she had the body of a Venus So I oiled up my hand and started to stroke my SPATULA Spatula Spatula Spatula SPATULA Spatula Spatula Spatula SPATULA Spatula Spatula Spatula Well I was walking down the street I was looking for some kiwi fruits Ran into a couple skanky-looking prostitutes They said, "Hey baby fifty dollars gets you laid" I said, "No thanks girls I can do without your AIDS" They got mad they chased me 'round the parking lot Calling me a worthless rat-infested hunk of rhino snot One cornered me as I ran around the block Stabbed me in the leg and almost hurt my SPATULA Spatula Spatula Spatula SPATULA Spatula Spatula Spatula SPATULA Spatula Spatula Spatula {bridge} I got something I carry but don't let you see It's handle is long and I always keep it on me It's always hard and I like to use it much It helps me get into places that are far too hot to touch I wash it with soap and with a washcloth I will stroke it It's made out of plastic not like my old one before I broke it By now this song is probably getting you sick So I'll end it by saying you can kindly suck my SPATULA Spatula Spatula Spatula SPATULA Spatula Spatula Spatula SPATULA Spatula Spatula Spatula |
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Yutolia
Honor Roll Joined: 16 Apr 2008 Location: Владивосток Status: Offline Points: 2586 |
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This is part of the performance I was in a couple of weeks ago (sorry, I know I said I would post video of me singing but I haven't even gotten the video yet, so... anyway).
This group is called Take Note and they are amazing a cappella group. I love what they've done with this song and have been listening to it and singing it all the time, so of course it was first this morning! |
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"Xbox Live is an online homophobia club for pre-teen Tourette’s sufferers." - Brockway, Cracked.com
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Angry McPisseron
Honor Roll Formerly AngryMcPisseron Joined: 20 Apr 2008 Location: Fresno CA. Status: Offline Points: 13345 |
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"I Don't Give a Sh!t About Your Website" -- Worm Quartet I got an e-mail from a guy who claims to know me Claimed he graduated from my high school in the class two years below me And he sat three seats behind me in my composition class And he remembers my old Anthrax shirt that showed off the crack of my ass "Anyway" he says "Just figured I should drop you a line" "To let you know that my homepage is finally online" "It took me weeks and weeks but it's finally all done" "So surf on over cyber-buddy it'll be such fun!" He closed with the ugliest signature I'd seen in a while And a clichéd insincere colon-parenthesis smile The message then repeated with a lot of brackets in it I stared in utter horror and just sat there for a minute From the onslaught of stupidity my mind was fuking beat But from deep in my mind a voice screamed "Dammit, delete!" And as my pointer flailed in panic trying to send this thing to Hell I accidentally clicked right on his fuking URL The screen went yellow but the font was yellow too So I couldn't see a thing and there was nothing I could do My P-120 churned and growled like my hard drive was exploding 30 minutes went by and the first banner was still loading I clicked "Stop" and I clicked "Exit" but my browser just ignored me And 3 dozen Geocities ads were popping up before me Every ad had its own window every window spawned another And the windows spawned more windows 'til the screen was fuking smothered So I went for a walk, just so some time could be spent, I came back and it was still sitting at 2 percent So I made myself some dinner and I played a game of Doom, I read a couple novels and I wallpapered my room Three days later it was loaded and my keyboard started to function There was nothing but a 10-gig JPEG saying "Under Construction" The only link on the page said "click here to e-mail me" So I picked a font big enough for astronauts to see (and typed) I don't give a sh!t about you fuking website I don't give a sh!t about the life you live I wouldn't give a sh!t about your fuking website If I had a hundred spare sh!ts to give Then a few days later another blast from the past I got an e-mail from an ex who had dumped me on my ass She said "My web site's up, it's something you've gotta see!" So I figured I should make sure there weren't any pictures of me I clicked and suddenly I was bathed in cutesy clipart galore With more flowers birds and bunnies than a fuking Hallmark store! It said "This is my page, and it's all about me." "Everything you'll ever need to know updated daily" There were stories about her sister, and pages about her Prom, And pictures of the coming out party for her Mom, There were pictures of her friends, and pictures of her hats, And a hundred thousand pictures of her scraggly ugly cats There were links to every fuking page that she even knew And each one of them was broken, she even misspelled "Yahoo" When I got through every fuking poem that she had ever wrote I figured it was time to drop this stupid bitch a note (saying) I don't give a sh!t about your fuking website I don't give a sh!t about the life you live I wouldn't give a sh!t about your fuking website If I had a hundred spare sh!ts to give MORE SYNTH NOW! There's so much bullsh*t on the web it fills me with rage Hell, even Bea Arthur has her own fuking page So don't waste my precious time each day is only so long I could be using that time to write another stupid song So the moral of this story, I think it's plain to see If your website sucks big walrus cock don't send it to me! And if you do don't be surprised, if I get really pissed And subscribe you to the Micheal Bolton fan club mailing list! I don't give a sh!t about you fuking website I don't give a sh!t about the life you live I wouldn't give a sh!t about your fuking website If I had a hundred spare sh!ts to give PRANCE! I don't give a shiiiiit, I don't give a shiiiiii-iiiit about your motherfuking website I don't give a shiiiiit, I don't give a shiiiiii-iiiit about your motherfuking website I don't give a shiiiiit, I don't give a shiiiiii-iiiit about your motherfuking website I don't give a shiiiiit, I don't give a shiiiiii-iiiit about your motherfuking website I don't give a shiiiiit, I don't give a shiiiiii-iiiit about your motherfuking website I don't give a shiiiiit, I don't give a shiiiiii-iiiit about your motherfuking website I don't give a shiiiiit, I don't give a shiiiiii-iiiit about your motherfuking website (fade to black) |
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