Ad techniques that need to die

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I would like to share with you all my annoyance with a certain

collection of advertising techniques that teams think are effective and

so, include in commercials on a far-too regular basis. 

1) Item 1 is the

"let's-repeat-the-same-word-said-in-quick-succession-but-by-multiple-people

technique". ForumAdmin has commented on this technique somewhat (here), but hey we all know that everything we've ever said here has been said before, and that there is a 94% chance it was ForumAdmin who said it. Nonetheless, reminders are always healthy. The following Comcast commercial will serve nicely as our

example case study:

 The offenses:

This commercial uses this technique not once more than it should, not twice more than it should, but three times

more than it should (the appropriate amount being zero times): first

with the word "Comcast", then with "5 times", and finally with "fast".

Take note of the importance of these three concepts with respect to the

aims of the commercial.

Why I think it's used:

Surely this has some psychological motives. The effectiveness of

Comcast as a product is not a fact of the world, but is a belief; a

belief the company knows it needs to convince you of. When it comes to

beliefs of this nature--that is to say, beliefs that surround products

and companies--one of the more convincing ways to get people to believe

in your product is by communal agreement. The extent to which you the

uninformed consumer are willing to buy into the pitch is directly

proportional to how many people you've heard approve of it, just as it

is with, say, a new restaurant in town. It is no surprise then why this

technique is used. It incorporates multiple people and establishes the

important concepts the company wants to get across by overlapping the

people's testimonies at those important concepts. They want you to

remember them after the commercial is over, and when it comes to

remembering from sound, repetition makes perfect.

Why I wish it wasn't used:

As far as commercials go, I'd rather not have someone whack my brain

repeatedly with what is essentially operating as the auditory

equivalent of a jackhammer. 

2) Item 2 is the

"contrast-the-alternative-to-our-product-by-using-black-and-white-imaging

technique". Yes, I like hyphens. Anyway, this commercial will do nicely

as an example:

The Offenses:

An entirely new topic could, should, and might be created discussing

the lunacy of the outrageous claims made in this commercial.

Irrespective of that, we're all familiar with this technique, here's a

step-by-step: 

Begin the commercial with an overtly displeased person, preferably pale

and fat, who cannot for the life of them accomplish an extremely simple

task (cleaning up, slicing tomatoes, doing an ab crunch). Here, and at

any other time during the commercial you refer to anything that isn't

your product, use black and white coloring. Next, start some groovin

music and display your vibrantly colorful product, preferably next to a

separate person who is tan and not so fat. Then, dig around in your a**

for some time until you can pull out a statistic that is relevant to

the topic at hand: in this case, the bullsh*t statistic is "3 minutes =

100 sit ups!". Don't forget to put sciencey sound effects behind it,

otherwise people might hear the sound of your sphincter squeezing the

stat out. Do not end the commercial until you have told them how much

they are saving by buying your product, especially if you are going to

throw in a bunch of tangentially related free stuff. Seeing as how you

determine how much all the stuff is initially valued at, make it a big number to

make it seem like the customer is saving a whole lot when you "cut them a deal". Throw in a meaningless "call in the next 30 minutes" bit to prey upon the weak-minded people's sense of urgency.

Also, guarantee the customer something ludicrous, like "you will

lose 10 lbs in 2 weeks!" and then, at the top in very small print, have

something like: Results may vary. That way, you've basically said

"We'll guarantee that you'll lose 10 lbs in 2 weeks, unless you don't,

which might happen too." That's gooooood persuasion.

Why I wish it wasn't used:

The degree to which this type of commercial is effective is the same

degree that an AB EXERCISE would be effective in dramatically buffing

up my arms, legs, and overall physique. And that degree = very little.


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